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DEAR ABBY: I have had a falling out with my sister over her 13-year-old son, my nephew. He is generally a happy child, with everything a boy could want in moderation. My sister is separated from his father. She has primary custody, but they do have a co-parenting relationship. 

My nephew respects and obeys his father, but he treats my sister like crap. He yells at her and his grandmother, constantly talks back, etc. When he tried it on me, I put him in his place with some choice words. My sister took offense, and we argued over it. I think he needs clear consequences for disrespecting adults. Instead, my sister makes excuses for why he behaves this way – “He didn’t sleep well last night. He’s upset about X-Y-Z,” etc. 

I know I’m armchair parenting, but I cannot stand to see this child yell at my sister or elderly mother, and I will not tolerate that behavior toward me. We end up arguing every time I try to talk to her about it. I have stopped spending time with them because of it. Advice, please. – OLD-SCHOOL AUNTIE

 

DEAR AUNTIE: Your nephew may act out because he is entering his turbulent teens, and this is a phase. It could also be that his mother has yet to make him suffer the consequences for his disrespectful behavior toward you and his grandmother. 

Since your sister and her ex are co-parenting, they should BOTH be talking to their son about “respect.” His grandmother also has a tongue, and she shouldn’t tolerate her grandson’s bad behavior, either. Personally, I would handle it by avoiding the kid until he straightens up, which may take forever. 

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DEAR ABBY: A dear friend of 12 years recently lost her beloved dog (who she called her third child) to old age. She chose to put the dog down because of health problems and has been racked with guilt ever since. 

I lost my 19-year-old son 10 years ago to suicide. This has been the worst decade of my life, and I grieve for him every day. My friend has been equating the death of her pet to the death of my son, which has caused a major rift in our relationship. It is not only insulting but also beyond hurtful to me to hear that the passing of a pet is as painful and tragic as the loss of my son. 

I have told her time and time again there is no comparing the loss of a human child to the loss of a canine “child,” yet she continues to disagree. How should I deal with her and this situation? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. – GRIEVING MOM IN THE SOUTH

 

DEAR GRIEVING MOM: I will cut your friend some slack because she’s in pain right now, but she’s deluded. The pain of sending a beloved pet across the Rainbow Bridge and that of losing a child are not comparable, and for her to have said it – not only once but to harp on it – is ridiculous. The best way to deal with this woman would be to distance yourself until she regains some perspective.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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