DEAR ABBY: My husband’s uncle died by suicide in his home six months ago. It was a shock to the entire family. Since the funeral, we have helped to settle his affairs, including cleaning out his home to get it ready for sale. 

My husband’s cousin (the uncle’s daughter) has had an understandably difficult time coming to terms with the loss of her father and has decided to purchase the house and reside there. She hasn’t sought grief counseling and uses social media as a therapeutic outlet. 

Many in the family believe she’s making a mistake spurred by grief. She wants to hold family gatherings and holiday celebrations there. Those of us who helped clean out the house do not want to go back there. The loss is still recent, and the memories of the scene are still fresh. 

How can we tell this cousin we are uncomfortable visiting the home without causing her more grief? We want to be supportive, but it’s just too hard to walk back into the place where he ended his life. – TRAUMATIZED IN MISSOURI

 

DEAR TRAUMATIZED: Your husband’s cousin is trying hard to deal with her grief, however ill-advised her method may be. Everyone has been supportive, but someone needs to speak honestly with her and let her know that what she is fantasizing about isn’t going to happen. 

The person closest to her needs to speak frankly – for the family – about their reluctance to visit the house again. Once she knows, she may be less eager to buy her father’s home. Yes, she could probably use some grief counseling, and it’s available to families who have experienced the kind of trauma she has. A resource that could help is the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (988lifeline.org), but that poor, grieving woman has to be willing to ask for it. 

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DEAR ABBY: When I’m invited to a friend’s house for dinner and asked to bring dessert, I always make something fresh and delicious for that evening. Lately, I’m noticing that several friends, when invited to my house or another friend’s party, are bringing along half-eaten desserts from the previous evening’s family dinner. 

I think this is rude. It’s like they’re saying, “You’re not worth the effort.” Is this a new trend, or am I too sensitive? – IRRITATED IN IDAHO

 

DEAR IRRITATED: You’re not too sensitive, and if this is a new trend, I haven’t heard of it. Many hosts serve fresh food to their guests and are careful about how it is presented. By that I mean, it is not half-consumed and doesn’t look like leftovers. If the “several friends” who do this don’t have time to prepare something to bring, they should buy something and bring it whole.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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