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DEAR ABBY: My sister has a squawky bird she insists on keeping alongside the dinner table when she invites guests for dinner. Its ear-piercing screeching inhibits guests’ ability to carry on normal conversation, so I asked her if, in the future, she could please put the bird in another room during dinner. She responded that the bird is a family member. I said, “So are children, but they aren’t permitted to run around the dining table screeching when there is company over.” 

This year, when we returned for another dinner, she pulled the bird and its cage even closer to the table and the person sitting next to her than last time. She apparently decided the comfort of her guests is not as important as her closeness to the bird. 

I don’t know how to address this in the future when she disregards my feedback. Aside from the squawking, it’s not appealing to have a birdcage pulled up alongside a dinner table, or to have the host constantly distracted and conversation interrupted. What is your advice? – NERVE-WRACKED IN NEW JERSEY

 

DEAR NERVE-WRACKED: Because it’s clear your advice wasn’t appreciated, the next time you are invited to a dinner party at your sister’s home, feel free to say you are busy. The only bird at the table should be a nice roasted chicken or a stuffed turkey.

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DEAR ABBY: I have my car detailed at a car wash near the beach. When I took my car there, I forgot to remove the spare change I keep for parking meters and laundry machines. When I got my car back, about eight dollars in quarters and dollar coins were missing. Dimes, nickels and pennies were left behind. I emailed the owner the next day. 

The owner called me, apologized and refunded the full price of my car detail. I told him the refund wasn’t necessary and that I only wanted him to know what had happened. Because I used the word “steal” in my email, he took offense. I replied on the phone that the money was gone after I got my car back. He said he wished me well, and I replied, “Are you saying you no longer want to do business with me?” 

Now I feel bad. I did nothing wrong and only tried to alert him to a problem with his workers. As the saying goes, “No good deed goes unpunished.” What do I do now, or should have I done differently? – SUFFERING FOR TRYING TO HELP

 

DEAR SUFFERING: Do not let one bad apple spoil the barrel. Of course you should have informed the owner of the business about what happened. By comping the price of the car wash for your $8 loss, he did his best to make things right. 

If the conversation you had with him was civil, he likely wants you to continue doing business with him. The next time you go in, make a point of smoothing things over. In the future, remember to remove your valuables from the car when you go.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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Good advice for everyone – teens to seniors – is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)