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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years and in a relationship for 20. I just found out that for more than a year he has been lying about working. He pretended he had a part-time contracting job and has been using our savings to pass as income from this fictional job. 

Over the past year, we made a lot of financial decisions based on the assumption that he was employed, which has left us in a tight situation. He initially denied it when I confronted him and even provided fake documents about his “job” before finally coming clean. I’m feeling many emotions because of this betrayal, and I am unsure about how to proceed. Can you guide me? — DUPED IN CALIFORNIA

 

DEAR DUPED: Your husband may have been embarrassed about his job loss, which is why he deceived you. What was he doing when he was supposedly working? His (and your) problems may go beyond the financial bind you are now in. Is your husband trying to find another job? Why was he let go? 

Contact a CPA or financial adviser and ask what you need to do to get back on firm financial footing. You didn’t mention whether you are employed, but if you aren’t, it’s time to find a job. Once that’s done, marriage counseling is crucial.

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DEAR ABBY: My last parent passed away 24 years ago, and my brothers and sisters went their separate ways. We were not close in our younger years. I’m the youngest, so it was pretty hard on me to suddenly have no birth family, so to speak.

A couple of years ago, my estranged brother and I reconnected. We have a lot in common, and my husband and children really like him. The problem is, when he has been drinking, he calls me terrible names. It hurts me because I don’t know why. It can be a great day, and then suddenly something sets him off. 

I want to say something to him, but I would hate to make him mad and cause our sibling relationship to go sideways again. I feel everything I am thinking of saying will hurt our friendship. I need some sound advice, and I promise to take it. – CONFLICTED SIS

 

DEAR SIS: I hope you realize that what you have described is one of the classic symptoms of alcoholism. The next time you and your brother get together and there is alcohol involved, press the record button on your cellphone so you can play it for him when he sobers up. Then tell him that in the future, you prefer he not drink anything stronger than punch when you are together.

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DEAR ABBY: I’ve always connected with my significant other’s parent. But now I am emotionally more connected to them than to my significant other. Is this healthy, or am I cheating on my S.O.? – CONFUSED IN THE MIDWEST

 

DEAR CONFUSED: When you wrote “emotionally connected,” did you mean you have more in common with your S.O.’s parent than with your S.O., or that you are physically attracted? If it’s the latter, end the romance. If you don’t, it will cause chaos in your S.O.’s family and likely not end well for any of you. 

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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