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DEAR ABBY: My husband of almost 40 years is not well. He has been a good provider, but his life stories are heavily laced with lies. That has been very difficult for me to live with. 

I believe he will die before I do, and I’m uncomfortable about holding a service for him. His obituary would be filled with half-truths and lies. Because of his work positions, it would be expected that we have a service. I wouldn’t know what to say without the probability of repeating his lies. Have you any suggestions on how this could be handled? – LIAR’S WIFE IN CALIFORNIA

 

DEAR WIFE: As a matter of fact, I do. When a husband dies, the person who is usually responsible for the creation of his obituary is his SPOUSE. If you want it to be truthful, do not repeat his lies. State his age and place of birth. Mention his parents and siblings. Say that you and his children (if there are any) are mourning the loss of a loving, caring husband and father. Omit ANYthing that has to do with his work life. As to having a public service, no law says you must. You can have a graveside service for family only.

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DEAR ABBY: Last week, I wasn’t looking my best at the laundromat. An ex-coworker, who I haven’t seen in longer than I worked with them — and who never liked me — decided to sneak an unflattering photo of me. I’m guessing it was to show my old employer, who also never really liked me. 

This has shattered my already fragile self-esteem. I’ve been depressed and stressed about this, and I don’t know how to let it go and move forward. My friends and boyfriend say this person is jealous and I should forget it. I’ve been really low and struggling to do that.

I hadn’t run into either of these people in eight years in our neighborhood, but I worry they could spread this photo around and damage my professional reputation and business. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. – CAUGHT OFF-GUARD

 

DEAR CAUGHT: Listen to the good advice you received from your friends and boyfriend. You have blown this completely out of proportion. People (regardless of their profession) are not required to be glamorous at the laundromat.

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DEAR ABBY: I met a man, and we started seeing each other, but I’m not really sure about him. He’s a cross-dresser. I have tried to accept it, but I honestly don’t think I can. It turns me off. I don’t find it attractive, and I don’t know if I could ever be OK with it. 

I don’t know how to tell him. I don’t want to hurt him, but I just can’t bring myself to be sensual with him. What’s the best way to explain this without hurting his feelings? I don’t want to lose his friendship. – NOT MY THING IN THE MIDWEST

 

DEAR NOT MY THING: Tell the man that you like him very much and would like to remain friends, but that you feel friends are all you are destined to be. If he presses you further or needs a reason, tell him the chemistry isn’t there. It is the truth.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)