To the Editor:
I am pausing today in the wake of the Eliza City Planner offers some
insight on pub bars issue bethton City Council’s vote to allow the operation of pub bars inside city limits to marvel at the foresight of these modern masterminds.
Decisions like this confirm why we elect people to think for us and make decisions like this to enhance our quality of life.
Elizabethton just wasn’t saturated with enough alcohol. We have now opened up a whole new avenue for getting wasted, which will guarantee increased revenue for our fair city in a number of ways:
• More opportunities to drive home drunk means more traffic stops to benefit the Police Department’s quotas, more jail occupancy, which means more taxpayer money for lodging and food, and more DUI charges and convictions, which promises more hours for judges and legal staff.
• More convenient access to alcohol means an even heavier dependence on alcohol, which will increase revenue for liquor providers and (again!) legal staff who keep track of liquor licenses and taxes.
• More opportunities for kids to raise themselves as mommy and daddy come home from work later, stay out later, and drive home drunker. And if the existing liquor stores, restaurants, and grocery stores haven’t already taught our kids, this decision will also affirm the fact that it is impossible to have a good time without alcohol.
• More injuries and deaths from alcohol related incidents, which will be a boon for the bottom lines of hospitals, funeral homes, rehab centers, and ambulance chasing litigators.
• An increase in the frequency of alcohol related syndromes and diseases, which the pharmaceutical companies will happily provide top dollar chemical solutions to address, creating, in turn, even more dependence on even stronger chemicals! Win-win!
With all the insignificant issues the Elizabethton City Council is burdened with day in and day out, it is comforting to know they are taking time to address the truly important things in life.

Sincerely,
John Thomas Oaks
Elizabethton